Heinous Armpits

A team of scientists has classified the different smells human nose can detect into 10 basic types.

Having been exposed to different kinds of mighty underarms, I’m particularly interested to talk about this 1 type of smell. The “Pungent” smell. This type has distinguishing characteristics that you would notice the very moment someone with scarce bathing habit gets near you.

1. Offensive. You’re just sitting in your office on a normal day and you get mad at someone who’s only sin is being in the same room as you.

2. Sharp. The kind that sometimes doesn’t proceed to your lungs but pierces your forehead and gives you a migraine.

3. Strong and powerful. Has a detectable radius of at least 5 meters. Like an olfactory aura at its best.

4. Suffocating/Stifling. You would rather open the windows of the taxi cab and inhale the hot and humid air than die in a contained space under the wrath of the driver’s armpits.

5. Acidic/sour. You start to drool or salivate to the smell.

6. Stinging and Biting. It hurts your stomach as if something’s digging inside. You feel hungry but you lose the appetite to eat at the same time.

7. Sickening/Nauseatic. You are so stressed you want to take paracetamol.

8. Fetid. The evil and most sinful smell like someone eats 10 onions a day.

9. Repelling. Someone who doesn’t need a spray to kill mosquitoes at home nor mothballs to scare away cockroaches. . .and humans.

Yeah, I just ranted coz I can’t take it anymore. LOL

Advertisements

The Perks Of Being An Engineering Student

The Perks Of Being An Engineering Student

Engineering is not just all about the proverbial sacrifices and sufferings of a college student. Here are the bonus, premium and benefits of it.

1. Getting a 75% mark feels greater than getting a girlfriend. That is the dividing line between life and death. From my observation, many don’t care for more. It’s either pass of fail. That glorious moment of hallelujah the moment you receive your report card with a 75% on that subject you struggled the most.

2. You don’t have to memorize brain-draining long lists of items for the enumeration part of the exam. We actually have a few items to memorize, but we mostly deal with analytical problems. We just need to understand the theory and we could go on from there. Thank goodness we don’t have to deal with those long, exhausting, brain-bleeding, confusing and tongue twisting words as pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism, pneumonoultramicroscopicsiliconvolcanoconiosis, and the likes that I don’t even bother to finish reading. They hurt my eyes.

3. Engineering classes are the most fun, noisy and lively classes to be in. Parabolas and hyperbolas are not just curved lines on the board. Our teacher must mark the vertex with a big dot to cater the perv crazy minds of the students. In return, the students clap their hands, stomp their feet and push their seatmates while cracking up in full support to the teacher’s clever move.

4. Most of the students from other departments don’t really expect us to be good english speakers. What a relief for that low expectation, and how flattering the compliments when they eventually find out that we speak english, too, aside from jabbering numbers and equations. LOL

5. The engineering students give “life” to the university. By that, I mean vivacity, ebullience and effervecense. What adjectives could I add more to highlight the gist? University week is boring without the brazen-faced engineering male students wearing sexy dresses, exposing nipples, and flirty dancing to the tune of “Superbass” in competitions.

6. The “extra chick points”. I really don’t know what’s with it but just the mere fact of being an engineering student either boosts or complements your looks. Whichever it is, yeah it’s really helpful. LOL

7. The Math tutor. Well, they expect and assume that all of us are math wizards, which is kind of a pressure (like around 414.7 Megapascals). Pretty gals from the nursing department approach us for their math subject. Thankfully they are only taking rudimentary math or we’d wish to be eaten alive by the ground if we put ourselves to shame by being useless jerks who can’t solve their assignments in basic algebra. We also get to earn extra money from tutorial sidelines.

8. Female engineering students are one of the coolest things in college. Because you know, they’re both female. . .and engineering students. And it’s cool.

9. We are crazy and at times, bully. But we don’t have competitions and crab mentality. We help and assist each other pass the course. Together we stand, others just love being an engineering student they decide to spend a few more years in college.

How about you? How did you experience your life as an engineering student?

The Night Owl

Those moments when I tell myself I’m gonna go to bed early so I could get up the next morning early? – yeah I break it 98% the times – waking up the next morning either as high as not feeling the presence of my brain (physically) or as heavy as feeling like a snorlax and the only strength I have is to move one eyelid half open.

I am a fancy-sleeper. By that, I mean taking a bath to lay fresh and clean on the newly-washed bed sheet and downy-smelling cold pillows, playing a relaxing static noise like the sound of the rain (from Youtube), lighting up the candle for the fragrant oil diffuser, dim overnight light, Vicks Vaporub on my forehead and nose, how more relaxed could I get? In fact, I’m so relaxed that I read and read and read and suddenly it’s 2AM! And I’m already greasy and hungry and exhausted and haggard! Dream night ruined.

Whilst I count getting up in the morning as one of life’s hardest tasks, I always end up doing it again the following night, and again. And again and again (repeat ’til fade).

Yes, the early bird gets the worm, but in the classroom context, the early bird gets the broom and the coconut husk (back in the 90s, we wax and scrub our floors). In the office, the early bird gets either the Plaque of Appreciation for the unpaid pre-official-working-hours duty or the First Procrastination of the Day Award.

But. . .I have always been a night owl, and the late bird who gets the salary-deduction worm. I usually suffer from 11AM to 3PM like a living zombie with a 2-ton ax cracking open my skull. These are the times when the heaviest things in the universe are not the super-dense blackholes but my eyelids! My eyeballs fall and roll on the table and my boss whacks my forehead, then I wake up realizing I slammed my head onto the monitor. Then I sleep again and start to fall on my side. Realizing I’m falling, I suddenly spring back vertical and oscillates like a dancing bamboo culm or that nodding dog you see on the dashboard.

Anyway, I want to share the ways to fight the evil forces of dreamland during office hours to minimize the futility of these ramblings of mine:

1. Talk a lot. Not as effective as a minty fresh flavored toothpaste, but a lot better than an open-rectum heinous breath. It also wakes the person next to you, annoyingly or not.

2. Play. Dribble a baseball or balance a rotating pen or whatever it is that works. Playing while working helps keep stress level low to keep efficiency high. Playing excessively keeps stress level low and keeps your boss’ eyes on you. Playing all day keeps stress level low and you get to keep a termination memo with you.

3. Laugh. Read humor blogs. Whatever makes your jaw lock. You also get instant 6-packs for free. And evil sinful gases.

4. Stand up every 30 minutes. This is necessary for good health. Weekend sports does not offset the effects of sitting whole day for 5 days, studies show.

5. Take a short walk. Go to the ground floor and back. Use the stairs. But only for 2 to 4 flights, not the whole stretch up to the 15th floor if you want to reach your office before 5 o’clock.

6. Go to the toilet and face the mirror. Two things will happen: (1) You’ll wake in awe of how awesome you are, or (2) you’ll wake in shock of how awful you look. Either way, welcome back to your consciousness!